You may be wondering what we have been up to since the beginning of December. While life has felt hectic, it's been amazing to be the adults of the family, getting to create the mood for the holidays and focusing our attention on what we feel is important while also bringing a season of joy to our home. Anticipation was ripe and we celebrated fully.
New Year's eve was spent clamming on the Pacific Ocean. For those of you who are not familiar with hunting clams, it goes something like this. On a day when the tide is being sucked out to sea, leaving stretches of unseen and untouched sand we all head out to the ocean to dig in that sand for clams. Around 200 people joined us on a frigid day, all with their respective gear, warm hats, boots, nets, and clam guns. A clam gun uses suction to bring up a block of sand. We then dig for the clam in the sand and sometimes chase them down the hole we have created (see the photo!). It can be rather exhilirating and addictive, sort of like the 'bonk the mole' game at Chuck E Cheese.
Our time was short and being such a cold day, we were disappointed when our son was knocked over by an unexpected wave and drenched to the core. The only part of this we had anticipated was being prepared enough to have several changes of clothing. Unfortunately this did not suffice enough to make him feel safe again and he spent the time running from each wave that approached his 4 foot radius. Our little girl went from the hiking pack, where she was being buffeted by the wind into the stroller so I could park her back to the cold breeze. I had taken my camera and had relished photographing the clammers on the beach, each with their own technique to gather as many clams as they could as quickly as possible. The air was crisp, the sky provided an amazing backdrop as the sun sunk beyond the horizon, and despite the chill I was glad this would be my last adventure of 2010.
A new year to many means trying to find a better you. Resolutions are set and hopes are pinned on evolving into a stronger, smarter, more well off individual. I don't know how many blogs I have come across putting forth new goals, more organization. Ours is a culture of bigger and better unfulfillable notions. Of course, as Americans, we strive and try to reach that goal that so few reach. As we celebrated the new year simply clamming, grabbing some fish and chips to eat in the car on the long drive home, I found myself looking forward, wanting to push myself into setting goals, looking for a purpose to drive me through the next year. Lose the last of the baby weight, get to running every day, have activities ready for the kids, find your vocation, make something of yourself, it all pounds down day after day and I am to the point in life where I am finally questioning this. I think I always have, but have also always stepped back into the expectations set out and not had the courage or words to name it.
So I find myself wishing for a different path, one that walks past the striving, bypasses the duty and walks into peace. Peace is the only English word I can come up with that speaks to what I am seeking. It may take more words than that. Words such as contentment, but more than that, fullness, living rich, depth, it's more of a picture I carry in my mind that encompasses words, emotions, environment, attitude that is beyond what I can explain. So this year for me is less about working toward a new, better me, and more about defining this image I have carried for so long. Becoming me, not more than me, not less, but truly who I am and creating a life that reflects that. I feel the truth of this when I find myself on a windswept cliff or beach, the breeze brushing off any remnants doubting myself and bringing in a freshness that fills my being. And so, 2010, you were cruel to many, we had our own difficulties this year too. I am glad to move on, but hope not to lose sight of what I have learned this past year as the journey continues and always will each step defining and redefining us.
